I think I am pretty in tune with my emotions, or rather I thought I was, but now I know I am still a work in progress. I didn’t realize how often I was blowing them off until I decided to pay attention.
What I discovered was that throughout the day emotions would come up for me. I knew they had because I would feel them somewhere in my body. Then in a split second I would suppress the feeling so I could keep doing whatever it was I was doing!
So, what’s wrong with that?
After all we do have to get stuff done and if you’re like me, you probably don’t have time to sit around feeling all day.
I walk my dog every morning. It’s supposed to be a peaceful and quiet start to my day, a time when I switch off all my thoughts and live in the moment. Now, if someone could please explain that to my brain, that would be great. This is literally how my walk went the other day…
It was a beautiful morning. I was walking along the street, looking up at the trees and feeling the breeze in my hair, when BAM! Thought attack.
Enter, (excuse my language) a crazy s*** storm of worry my mind started creating.
I had an upcoming presentation I was going to give and I was thinking about going over the slides when I got home. Then, I started thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Or as my mind was saying, would DEFINITELY go wrong.
I was floating on the pool reflecting on the past 12 months and realized how good my life is right now.
Problem free? Not all but a lot to appreciate.
A few years ago I decided to start my business, I read a lot of articles and books by entrepreneurs and business leaders. I had been in a corporate role for over 20 years and I am an MBA. I knew I needed to set goals, so I did. I set a Big Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG) as recommended by Jim Collins and Jerry Porras
"A true BHAG is clear and compelling, serves as unifying focal point of effort, and acts as a clear catalyst for team spirit. It has a clear finish line, so the organization can know when it has achieved the goal; people like to shoot for finish lines."
That’s a really powerful sentence and it deserves to be explored.
What we believe about ourselves, what we’ve decided is the ultimate truth, shapes our decisions and how we approach opportunities and success.
I heard these words from a client recently…
My parents were never there to support me.
I never got to do the fun things my friends were doing.
No one gave me permission to follow my dreams.
So, now when I think about attempting to live those dreams, I can’t.
I can’t do it. That is for other people.
I need to stay home and take care of everyone else.
Have you ever wondered why some Nurse Managers seem to have a healthy work-life balance (WLB) while others continuously work late and into their weekends off?
Those with a good WLB attend family events, go on vacation, and their departments continue to run well in their absence.
Yet others seem to have a never-ending list of things to do. Their families are frustrated because they miss out on important events, or when they do attend they are constantly distracted by phone calls and messages from work. They might even choose not to take well-earned PTO because they’re afraid of the workload and emails that will be waiting for them when they get back.
It happens without me realizing it, I become a control freak. Does this happen you? It starts because I think I know how something should be done like I know how the laundry should be sorted. I know the best way but I want someone else to do the laundry and this is when I become a control freak. I see my helpful husband putting all kinds of items in the washing machine together and I flip out.
The dilemma is I want my husband to help me around the house, but I want him to do it my way so I start watching over him. This behavior causes stress for both of us. My stress is worry about what will happen to the clothes, what color will they be when they come out, will they even fit anymore. My husband's stress is he feels micromanaged and unappreciated.
How familiar are you with the proverb, “be careful of what you think because your thoughts run your life.”?
If this is true then it must also be true that you can use your thoughts or your mind to create what you want.
First though, you need to know what it is that you do want. You might be inclined to jump on the first thing that pops into your mind, the thing that you have been wishing for for quite some time. e.g. a new car, a new job, a new or better relationship with someone. This is fine, however what I have come to realize through my time as a coach is that quite often when that thing is realized the happiness is short lived. This happens because we have not gotten to the reason we really wanted it.
This week is International Nurses' & Midwives' Week, and perfect timing to discuss Sarah's book: The Successful Nurse Leader - the ultimate guide to transition from Nurse to Manager to Leader, its purpose, what led to Sarah putting pen to paper; and how it fits in nicely with the International Council of Nurses (ICN) theme for 2022:
Nurses: A Voice to Lead – Invest in nursing and respect rights to secure global health. Focusing on the need to protect, support, and invest in the nursing profession to strengthen health systems worldwide!
When we constantly put the needs of others ahead of taking care of ourselves, we end up taking on too much and becoming completely overwhelmed. This can lead to stress, illness, resentment, and even damaged relationships.
Putting yourself first is not only helpful for you; it’s helpful for those around you. If you are in a better headspace, you are a better wife, mom, friend, colleague, exercise partner, etc. Positivity is infectious.
I used to rush home from work to get to the daycare center and pick up my son. I was frazzled and tired from the day and I realized, this was the not the best scenario for my son, who was really excited to see his mom. I started going home after work and sitting down for a few minutes and enjoying a cup of coffee before heading to the daycare. My energy increased and my son had a happy and more relaxed mom at pick-up!
Our choices aren’t always exciting or what we want, but they are always there.
For example, think about reading a post on social media in which you do not agree.
Your first instinct might be to comment right away. You have “no other choice” but to defend your opinion, right? You actually have a lot of choices, such as:
Every time we say yes to someone or something we are giving them our precious time. This means when we dedicate our time and energy to one thing, we are not able to give it to something else.
A few years ago I was asked to facilitate a large meeting at work. It was taking place as soon as I got back from a planned family vacation and even though it was an honor to be asked, I had to be honest. I told my team that I wouldn’t have time to prepare, as I would be away the week prior.
I was NOT saying no to my vacation.
It turned out, the meeting was something I didn’t need to prepare for, it was information I shared all the time, so I could still facilitate and not worry about taking time away from my trip.
Years ago I was babysitting for a friend. It started out great. The kids were quietly playing together behind the sofa and I was watching TV. When my show ended I decided to check on the kids and see if they needed anything. If you’re a parent you probably know what a big mistake it is to assume kids playing quietly is good, I know that now. What a mess, diaper rash cream everywhere including all over their bodies and in their hair, not to mention the carpet.
You know that thing that everyone keeps telling you to do? Maybe it’s take a class or meet with a support group or get a business coach. And you keep saying NO, you keep resisting.
Why?
Is it perhaps the thing you need the most?
For me, people kept telling me to journal. Even as far back as in nursing school, my teachers told me that a reflective journal would help me learn. I knew that I’d rather go to the pub and have a beer.
In episode 325 of The Nurse Keith Show nursing and healthcare career podcast, Keith interviews nurse leadership coach Sarah Bell regarding how nurses in leadership positions can find their own leadership style and fulfill their most powerful potential. Listen
Decisive leaders know that making a decision is sometimes easier than it sounds. It was early on in my leadership career my boss and my bosses boss were going to be out of the country, at the same time. This meant I was the point person for our team. My bosses parting words were, "if you need to make a decision make one. It doesn’t matter if it doesn't work out, I'll support you. The worse thing you can do is make no decision". These were empowering words and I felt confident. Then I needed to make a decision and that's when I realized I didn't know how to.
I did make a decision but then someone pointed out what could wrong so I changed my mind. Then an obstacle presented itself to me and I needed to change direction again. This leads to confusion, loss of confidence, and nothing happening. So my boss was right, not making a decision is problematic. What was missing for me then was I didn't know the 3 things that decisive leaders know.
I'm a coach, I understand the mindset of the whirlpool mind.
I know I can focus on problems and get stressed or I can focus on outcomes and become creative.
Sounds simple right?
Well, it's simple in concept and it works a lot of the time, however, sometimes my mind is like a whirlpool. Before I even know what's happening I can start feeling hopeless and stressed. But that's OK because I know what to do, shift my mindset from what's wrong to what I want.
Oh boy, if only it was always that simple!
Sometimes I feel like I am getting sucked deeper and deeper into the vortex of what's wrong and I can't let it go. I think this is what Eckhart Tolle refers to as the "pain body"
"A pain-body is the collective manifestation of all the pain, misery, and sorrow a person has ever gone through their entire life, and all the things they inherited from their culture and family history as well. A person's pain-body feeds and strengthens itself by making themselves and others miserable." - Urban Dictionary.
I've been on vacation, up in the mountains, enjoying time with my family and it got me thinking about the good old fitness routine and how some people just seem to nail it. You know what I'm talking about - people on your newsfeed, posting a status or a photo or writing blogs or posting videos about fitness and you wonder how the hell they stay on track. They are running on the beach or walking on their lunch break and you find yourself doing two things that you absolutely should not do! And those two things are keeping you from rocking your own personal, fitness journey.
1. You compare.
2. You look at the end goal first.
Let's talk comparison. When you see super active and fit people, you tend to get intimidated. Your mind tells you...
